Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
