Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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