I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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