remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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