Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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