she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
