mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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