I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
