Christians are straight up FREAKS
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
