They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
