dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
