We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
