He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
