so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
