worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
