why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
