I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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