I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
