so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
