I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
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