ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
