I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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