I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
