I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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