Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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