i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
