No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
