My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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