You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
