so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Four minutes until I can fart!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
