2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
