K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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