does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
