I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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