Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
