Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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