we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We have started to decorate penises.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
