The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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