Screwed.edu
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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