i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize