before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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