I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Randomize
