Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize