you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
