I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you would pick up someone in the library
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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