I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
