oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize