Pants 0. Shit 1.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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