Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
