yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
