Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
