mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
