woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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