Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
