woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I understand Curling. That high.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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