On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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