Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
and she was petting her beer can
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
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