i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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