I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Someone signed my nipple.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
