I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize