So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
