best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize