If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
